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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931197">Square Up Tozier</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spezzato/pseuds/Spezzato'>Spezzato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Best Friends, Beverly Marsh &amp; Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh Lives With Her Aunt, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Boys In Love, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Connor Deserves Happiness, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gay Richie Tozier, How Do I Tag, I Love You, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Romantic Fluff, Soft Richie Tozier, Trapped In A Closet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:08:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spezzato/pseuds/Spezzato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been three years since the Losers battled their way out of the sewers. Now sixteen they are still adapting to normalcy and being a teen. Richie has been struggling with keeping his feelings for Eddie under wraps and because of it he starts to isolate himself from the group. He finds solice in Connor Bowers who has now moved to Derry permanently and seems to be a lot friendlier than his cousin Henry was. Eddie begins to resent Richie for abandoning him and decides to do something about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Almost Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Richie seeks refuge in the arcade after the big fight. He meets someone new and miserably attempts to explain to Eddie what happened.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Prologue </p><p>I</p><p>It was a hot summer’s day in Derry. Richie Tozier had just been punched in the face by one of his best friends a couple of days ago and he wanted the world to just stop hurting. He wanted to escape and not think about how Eddie was home with a broken arm because of him. He should have stopped him from going into the house. He should have protected him. He wanted to forget that there was a chance he would never see him again with how badly Sonia had reacted. He wanted to leave his house for peace was seldom found there.</p><p>He started to rummage through the couch he had been laying on for the last two hours. If he found enough loose change he could go to the local arcade. He managed to find three dollars’ worth. Enough for a few rounds. Enough to fund his desperate escape. He ran out of his house and made his way to the arcade. He felt his heart beating faster. His glasses were fogging up from the humidity outside. He hadn’t noticed how hot he had become until he heard the ding the door made when he walked in and felt the cool air hit him.</p><p>There was a nice amount of kids jumping from machine to machine. The noise was drowning all the thoughts he had before, and he felt an overwhelming sense of relief. He went to the token dispenser and changed his quarters for twelve tokens. The way those tokens clunked down to the bottom made him feel as though he was hearing the gates of heaven open up. He eagerly looked around trying to find an empty machine. He spotted Street Fighter and surprisingly was empty. He scurried over to the machine and suddenly he felt a pain coming from the side of his body. He had not realized he had collided with another boy until the boy spoke to him.</p><p>“Shit. Sorry.” The unfamiliar voice said.</p><p>He glanced to his side, where he suspected the blow came from. He instinctively held his side.</p><p>“What the fuck man?” Richie cried out playfully. Richie locked with his bright green eyes. His face covered in sun kissed freckles.</p><p>The boy awkwardly laughed. “Didn’t see you honestly. Just saw the empty machine and kind of just ran towards it.”</p><p>“It’s fine ya wee boy just watch those weapons next time. Could have killed me.” Richie said in a painful Irish accent. </p><p>He let out a chuckle. “Probably should have. My name is Connor.” He winked at him.</p><p>“Richie Tozier is the name.” Richie said bowed before him.</p><p>Connor laughed softly. “Adorable.”</p><p>“I've been called worse.” Richie assuming it was sarcastic now facing the machine. His body started to feel warm without him really noticing. He bent down to place his token into the slot. “You want to get your ass beat or what Connor?” Richie said as he elbows him back playfully. </p><p>“Bring it on.”</p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">ROUND ONE</span> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p><p>Richie typically was able to beat others with ease. He was being challenged and he was living off of it. It was weird to him how good of a fight Connor was putting up since he couldn’t remember ever seeing him in the arcade, or Derry for that matter. He let himself be consumed by the game and the noise before him. He wished the rest of summer could just be spent like this. He occasionally glanced at Connor. Richie managed to beat him by only a bit.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">ROUND TWO</span> </strong>
</p><p>"Shit" Richie chuckled softly</p><p>"I play this shit all the time back in New York. So get ready." Connor mentioned waiting for the screen to allow them to fight again. </p><p>Richie pressed the buttons tactfully, making every move count. Connor was keeping up with him, himself carefully carrying out his play. Richie had never felt this exhilarated playing this game before, he felt truly matched and beating him would mean so much more. He still would steal glances against his better judgment. He would catch glances of this boy’s blonde curls bouncing. He wouldn’t notice it but Connor seemed to steal glances of him too.</p><p>
  <strong> <span class="u">YOU WIN</span> </strong>
</p><p>“You’re fucking good.” Connor smiled and shook Richie’s hand. “Well I gotta go.”</p><p>Richie’s grin quickly fell off. He panicked momentarily and grabbed one of his tokens and offered it up to him. He couldn’t have this feel good moment end so quickly. All he wanted was one more game.</p><p> “Hey. Um. How about we go again?” He asked awkwardly.</p><p>Connor thought about the offer for a moment. He did enjoy the game with him. Though unfortunately for both of them Henry Bowers had arrived with his friends and Connor could almost sense him.</p><p> “Only if you want to.” Richie tried to save it.</p><p>Henry and his friends were not particularly quiet about their entrance and Connor looked behind him to see him. He quickly looked back at Richie and panicked. He could hear Henry stepping closer behind him. He knew he needed to get out of here.</p><p> “Dude. Why are you being weird? I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” Connor retaliated.</p><p>Richie’s heart started to beat faster. “Woah. I-I didn’t”</p><p>Henry over hearing Connor now focused his attention on Richie. He let out a hungry chuckle. He was looking for any reason to get angry. He thought about how bad it would be if a Bowers was seen as a queer.</p><p>“What the fuck is going on here?” Henry asked</p><p>Connor flinched and tried to not look at Richie. The arcade fell silent and their eyes fell on them three in the middle of the floor.</p><p>“You assholes didn’t tell me your town was full of little fairies.” Connor retaliated again.</p><p>“Richie fucking Tozier.” Henry was closing in on Richie. Richie’s heart felt as though it would pop out of his chest. Henry’s rage could be felt by everyone in the room. <em>Fairies? </em>Richie looked back at Connor with regret. He should have known better than to let his guard down the way he had.</p><p> “You wanna bone my little cousin?” Henry asked disgustingly. “Get out of here <strike>Faggot</strike>” Henry screamed. </p><p>Richie’s flinched at the last word. He had been called countless horrible things by Henry. He was sure he had been called that before but not in this kind of context. Could Henry sense something he couldn’t? Richie stayed frozen as he felt his body burn up. He felt like he wanted to scream back but he was outnumbered here. He knew he would lose quickly.</p><p>“Move!” Henry screamed again.</p><p>Richie stepped away from them and ran out of the arcade.</p><p>
  <em>Cousin?</em>
</p><p>II</p><p>Richie had just outrun the Paul Bunyan statue. He desperately tried to find a tree with shade where he could catch his breath. He was looking for somewhere he could be left alone for just a few minutes.</p><p>“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He muttered to himself.</p><p>His heart was still pounding. He didn’t know if it was from the marathon he just ran or the fact that Henry Bowers yelling at him in front of everyone kept playing on repeat in his head. He took off his glasses and set them by his side on the grass. He pulled his lanky legs to him. Wrapping his arms around them and hiding his face into his knees. He knew his body could feel the hot blaze of the sun, but he was shivering. He thought he was shivering. No. His body was shaking. Convulsing? <em>Panic. This is a panic attack.</em> He tried to regulate his breathing, but it was becoming harder with him hiding his face. He let tears fall out of him without thinking. His body had given up and let itself react to everything. He started to dissociate. His mind went elsewhere.</p><p>
  <em>Eddie. I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re doing better than me right now.</em>
</p><p>He felt his mind wonder to the Kasprak house. He was laughing with Eddie. Talking about their comics and arguing how Marvel was better than DC. He was play wrestling with him and he could hear Mrs.K yelling at him for roughhousing with her son. He was eating dinner with him.</p><p>Richie hadn’t noticed how badly he was crying until he felt the moisture on the knees of his pants. He shook his head trying to come back. He chuckled at his misery. He wished that he hadn’t made it out of Neibolt. He wished it was him who had broken his arm and had to stay home. He wished it was him who had gone missing. He wiped his tears off of his face. He could hardly see.</p><p>
  <em>Connor. Connor Bowers.</em>
</p><p>He sighed at the irony. He wondered for a moment if Connor knew who he was and if Henry had instructed to bait him. A new seemingly friendly face caused him to drop his walls so easily. He had learned how to act around his crush. He had learned how to act around others he liked. But Connor being a new face who didn’t immediately scoff at him, he let his guard down.</p><p>“Shit.” He whispered.</p><p>Richie was so lost in his thoughts that he did not hear the footsteps approaching. He felt the sun’s warmth suddenly disappear and he looked up. He squinted not really able to make out who it was. He grabbed his glasses and carefully put them.</p><p>“Richie? Richie Tozier?” A painfully now familiar voice called to him.</p><p>Richie realized who it was and quickly stood up. Connor Bowers was before him. He pressed himself against the tree in defense. He looked away and held his hands up trying to keep the boy away from him. He was not in the mood to get his ass kicked for the third time today.</p><p>“Please. Leave me alone. I won’t ever bother you again.” Richie said scanning the area. He wondered if Henry was nearby. Vic? Belch?</p><p>Connor sighed and held his hands up the way Richie had them. He couldn’t really look Richie in the face out of shame. He took a step back.</p><p>“I came alone.” Connor replied.</p><p>“Fantastic. You can go alone.” Richie felt relieved but not in the clear yet.</p><p>“Look. I’m sorry about that. I just-just… Henry. You know him. Clearly. You probably have been around him more than I have. I shouldn’t have done that. I just reacted. Fuck. I know you weren’t trying to I just. I thought. Fuck I’m sorry.” Connor apologized.</p><p>Richie squinted at him trying to analyze his face and see if he could detect any micro expressions that would imply, he was being set up right now. He crossed his arms.</p><p>“Fuck you.” Richie replied.</p><p>Connor chuckled awkwardly. He dug his hands into his pocket.</p><p>“I tried going to the arcade to avoid him alright. When I saw him and I panicked and I-”</p><p>“And and and what. Let Richie get his ass beat because I TRIED TO BE FRIENDLY. People get killed for that shit and if you know how deranged your fucking cousin is he wouldn’t hesitate.” Richie’s voice cracked.</p><p>Connor flinched and looked away.</p><p>“I know how he is… I know how aggressive… I should have thought about that I just panicked…” Connor muttered. “It hasn’t been easy having to live with him these past few weeks. He is constantly trying to beat me. My uncle constantly calls me a queer because...I-I hate being here.”</p><p>Richie changed his demeanor a bit. He wondered what it would be like being forced to be around Henry all the time. His dad was obviously a nut case. What has Henry done to Connor?</p><p>“I’m not trying to make an excuse. Honestly all I wanted was to go to the arcade and have some fun. Then suddenly bump into this loser.” Connor smiled at him softly and gestured at Richie. “Who kicks my ass at a game I thought I was good at. I seriously would have loved to continue playing. I really needed to leave to pack. I’m going home in a few days.” He met Richie’s eyes briefly and looked away again. “I fucked up. I tried to explain to him. I shouldn’t have called you that. He shouldn’t have…”</p><p>Richie relaxed in Connor’s presence now. He couldn’t explain why but he felt sorry for him. Richie’s anger was diminishing.</p><p>“He calls me everything in the fucking book. My parents have had to buy me four different pairs of glasses in the past year thanks to him. Your cousin sucks.”</p><p>They both laughed in agreement. “For what it’s worth. I know if I had been able to play you again, I would have been able to kick your ass.” Connor winked at him.</p><p>Richie’s heart skipped a beat and he was not a fan of that reaction. He had just told himself to keep it together.</p><p>“Too bad you won’t be here long enough to prove that Bowers.”</p><p>“Next time I’m here, I’ll prove you wrong Tozier.”</p><p>“Hope there is a next time.” Richie muttered darefully.</p><p>“I hope so too.”</p><p>III</p><p>“Richie tell me what fucking happened?!” Eddie hysterically questioned.</p><p>“Eds. Please just shut the fuck up for a moment.” Richie muttered under his breath.</p><p>“Are you fucking serious right now? You come in here fucking sobbing and you just expect me to let it go?” Eddie followed Richie. Richie headed towards the hammock and climbed into it. Wanting to just waste away. </p><p>Richie had stormed to the clubhouse assuming no one would be there to just process all of this in peace but of course as luck would have it. Eddie had a similar thought and was already there, reading before Richie could notice him. He immediately regretted his choices, but the alternative right now would be going home and that was just the last place he wanted to be and honestly, he was too scared of running into the Bowers gang on the way there. He needed to process what was happening to him. Connor making the effort to apologize made this all the much worse to him.</p><p>“Dude. Shut up.” Richie pleaded as he made himself comfortable on one side of the hammock. Eddie climbed in there with as they normally did. It had become an unspoken rule. Richie took the left side and Eddie took the right and none of the losers would ever really get to use the hammock unless the chaotic duo were not there. </p><p>Eddie sighed and looked at Richie confused. Richie was not one to stay quiet and much less cry. He probably would be the last of the losers to cry. He studied him. Richie refused to meet his glance and defiantly covered his face with his arms, groaning into them. Eddie gently kicked him on his side. Hoping he would react. Richie had definitely been crying, Eddie was able to see the dry tear stains on his shirt. Eddie's stomach suddenly turned. He hated seeing him like this. </p><p>“No one... No one else is here Richie.” Eddie said not wanting to upset him further.</p><p>“I wish no one was here period.” Richie retaliated.</p><p>Eddie whimpered. He kicked Richie in the shoulder before climbing out of the hammock.</p><p>“Fuck you Tozier. I was trying to be nice but no. Clearly a bad fucking idea.” Eddie glared at him.</p><p> Richie kicked up in the air on the hammock. Frustrated he wanted to kick something; the air seemed good enough. How could he explain what had happened to Eddie? He only wanted to play another round with him. He gets called- He gets yelled out of there and Connor dares to find him and make him feel stupid shit. He had enough of boys making him feel stupid shit.</p><p>Eddie observed him. God he was such an asshole sometimes. Eddie was getting frustrated and he knew if he continued with the same angle it would just push Richie away. Eddie searched for his inhaler in his fanny pack. This sense of dread around them was making his lung contract. </p><p>“Eddie.” Richie whispered</p><p>Eddie glanced up and glared at him. He was expecting him to apologize but Eddie knew better. </p><p>“I met someone new today.” Richie said as his cheeks began to flush.</p><p>Eddie glared at him. He was not fond of the idea of another new person. What would be the chances of them actually nice after they just included Beverly and Ben into their group.</p><p>“Is that why you’re crying. She called you ugly or something?” Eddie chuckled.</p><p>Richie rolled his eyes and flicked him off.</p><p>“Henry Bowers has a cousin. Did you know that?”</p><p>Eddie jerked suddenly. He was now extra sure that he was not fond of the idea of a new person suddenly appearing in Richie’s life.</p><p>“Bowers? Girl or Boy?” Eddie asked flatly.</p><p>Richie looked up at the ceiling.</p><p>“Boy. Name is Connor.”</p><p>Richie explained what happened at the arcade briefly. He left out a bit of the crude details like the “boyfriend” and “faggot” “boning my little cousin” bit. He mentioned the Paul Bunyan statue. </p><p>“What does he look like?” Eddie asked hoping he would be able to pick him out from a crowd and avoid him. He was more concerned with the real threat of another Bowers rather than that creepy statue coming to life at the moment. </p><p>Richie glanced at Eddie for only a moment and then looked down to play with his hands. He felt off. He tried to remember how handsome he looked as they played together. How he smiled at him genuinely. Richie's cheeks flushed. How fun it felt to be around someone that didn’t know him. How his face was covered in freckles like the stars in the sky. How quickly he rejected him at the sight of Henry and wondered what would have happened if they had not been related. Connor apologized though and he seemed genuine. For crying out loud he winked at him! Next time? Richie was now looking forward to next time.</p><p>"Richie?"</p><p>“I-I Uh. Blonde. Curly hair like Stan. Green eyes.” Richie replied.</p><p>Eddie was not particularly fond of how long it took Richie to answer a simple question.</p><p>“Blonde. Curly hair. Green eyes.” Eddie repeated. “Great. Glad to know he will stand out amongst the Derry crowd.” Eddie said sarcastically.</p><p>Richie laughed. “Ay si senor.” Richie said in a terrible Mexican accent.</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes. He didn’t know why but he did not like the feeling he was getting from Richie talking about this new kid. Was it cause he was a Bowers or because of how Richie talked about him?</p><p>“Connor Bowers. So, he was nice until Henry showed up?” Eddie asked.</p><p>Richie simply nodded.</p><p>“Then he was a total asshole but Eds it looked like he was scared of Henry too. It was weird. I found a tree after and tried to catch my breath and he showed up. He kept trying to apologize. He was pretty nice there again.”</p><p>“So, you cried because Henry yelled at you to leave his cousin alone? Connor hit you after he was nice again” Eddie asked still trying to make sense of this half ass story.</p><p>“I was not crying. You smell like baked onions and my eyes started to tear up as soon as I came in here. I was trying to find the source.” Richie smirked at Eddie.</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. He walked back to the hammock. Climbed inside and sat across carefully in front of Richie.</p><p>“Fine. Don’t tell me what really happened Richie.”</p><p>They adjusted themselves as they had done plenty of times before to sit comfortably together. Eddie laid against the hammock and closed his eyes for a moment. He would never admit it, but this is where he felt the safest. Legs intertwined with Richie’s on this old hammock. He was happy to see him after the stupid fight they had. He thanked himself for sneaking out. He just wondered what truly happened and why Richie was crying so hard until he realized Eddie was there. <em>I wish you would talk to me.</em></p><p>Richie focused on Eddie’s cast. LO<strike>S</strike>VERS. He carefully let himself watch Eddie once Eddie closed his eyes. How different he looked from Connor. Comparing their complexion. How Eddie was slightly tanner. His face absent of freckles. His hair neatly combed to the side. His skin so soft. How he knew Eddie would never sell him out the way Connor did. He closed his eyes. <em>I wish I could talk to you.</em></p><p>He wanted the earth to swallow him whole. Where was the inter-dimensional clown demon when you needed him?</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>Connor is a character I feel like each writer can flesh out on their own. I had read a few where is an abusive character but thanks to some great TikToks I decided to go another way. Stay tuned &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Beautiful Bowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Connor moves back to Derry and has been isolating himself until he remembers an old friend may still be living there.<br/>Richie is excited to see him back but Eddie gets defensive.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I</p><p>Beatrice Bowers had enough. Her boyfriend had smashed a glass vase on her head the evening before. She decided then and there she needed to leave New York City and though she had begun arrangements weeks prior, this had been the last straw. She needed to get herself and her son out of that apartment before Jonathan Gallo came back.</p><p>Three years prior her brother Butch Bowers had been murdered by her nephew Henry Bowers. She was his only living relative and his estate was left to her. She had no plans on doing much with it and was struggling to sell it due to its history. She would send people to maintain it ever so often in hopes of someone being able to overlook the murder and sell it. But alas, it was still there in the outskirts of Derry uninhabited.</p><p>“Connor. Honey, pack your things.” Beatrice whispered as she attempted to wake up her son.</p><p>Connor groaned and moved away from her.</p><p>Connor now was sixteen and had watched men come in through his life like a revolving door. He did not resent his mother for it, but he hated every single one of them. His mother was a kind small woman. His face resembled hers. White pale skin, with freckles scattered around her face. Her eyes a dull green as though the light in them faded over the years, but green, nonetheless. Her hair was shoulder length and bounced with her messy blonde curls. She was relatively attractive and unfortunately, she was too eager for love that she let men with cruel intensions into her life in hopes of her happily ever after. Connor had grown jaded with the idea of love.</p><p>“Connor. Please, I don’t know how much time we have left.” Beatrice attempted again.</p><p>“What.. are you.. talking about.. mom.” Connor replied sleepily as his eyes remained closed.</p><p>Beatrice put a suitcase on the bed beside him. She unzipped it and began to place things in it. She felt as though time was ticking, ticking too fast. Connor scooted up and sat up. He rubbed his eyes and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light in his room. He watched his mother move from his closet back to the bed, back and forth. He felt disoriented, it was the beginning of summer and he was used to sleeping in as he would usually come home in the early morning.</p><p>“Mom.” Connor muttered</p><p>She didn’t hear him. She continued to shuffle through his things.</p><p>“Mom?!” He said now processing what was happening.</p><p>“Mom!” He yelled.</p><p>Beatrice flinched and stopped for a moment and looked up at him. His heart broke. Her face had a purple hue on her left cheek. Her hair normally worn down, was tied up and he could see the dry blood on the side of it. He sighed softly and looked away from her.</p><p>“Again?” He asked annoyed almost.</p><p>“No never again. We are leaving. We are going to Derry Connor. We need to go now. He said he was going to come back tonight and I can’t Connie… We have to go. I got us plane tickets to Maine. We need to hurry if we’re going to make it on time.”</p><p>“Where the fuck in Derry are we going mom?!” He retaliated and stood up. Looking around his mess of a room now.</p><p>“Your uncle Butch-”</p><p>“What?! Mom we can’t go back there?!”</p><p>“Please Connie just finish packing.” She pleaded.</p><p>Their eyes met and Connor knew this was the only way his mom would survive the night. He wanted to punch something. He wanted to destroy something. He wanted to hug his mother and tell her it was going to be fine. That she deserved the world. He wanted to stay. He wanted to continue hanging out with his friends. He didn’t want to go back to Derry. His cousin-.</p><p>“Connie-”</p><p>“Don’t call me that. Go mom. I’ll finish. What time if the flight?” He asked.</p><p>She smiled though her eyes implied that was the last thing she wanted to do. She closed in on him and hugged him tightly. Connor hugged her back and gently placed his chin above her. She really was a small woman. He hugged her tightly for a moment and let her go.</p><p>“I’ll finish up. Go get your own things mom.” He said shooing her away.</p><p>Connor did not really care about anything else in the world other than her. He swore he would protect her as much as she let him. The boyfriends typically never did anything around him, maybe they knew how Bower boys acted. Maybe they had heard about Henry. Maybe they knew the hatred in Connor was brewing. They did not dare around him, but when he wasn’t. She would explain the bruises away and he had to pretend to believe her and hope the man got bored of her and left.</p><p>“Alright.” She whispered and turned towards the door.</p><p>He watched her for a moment. “Shit.” He muttered to himself.</p><p>II</p><p>It took a couple of weeks to truly settle in Derry. Beatrice managed to bring most of the important things and thankfully her boyfriend back in New York City did not care enough about her to follow her there. She was able to find a small job at the local library as a cleaning lady and she and Connor seemed to be doing okay. Financially they were doing okay. As a family maybe not so.</p><p>Connor was not really talking to her. He didn’t realize it really. He was just keeping to himself and read his comics in his room. He was losing track of time and his mother was hardly home and he hoped it meant she was working more and not looking for another man.</p><p>Beatrice had given him space. She knew deep down that uprooting him like this wasn’t fair. The reason they had to move was her fault for her choice in men and she wanted to build a better life for him. She knew she only had a couple of years before he decided to leave. She needed him to still love her before he did that.</p><p>…</p><p>Beatrice went and knocked on his door, hoping he would talk to her. She thought he was angry with her but really, he was just jaded at the moment. She didn’t hear a response. She sighed softly and bit her lip before knocking gently again. She pressed her face against the cold hard wood door hoping for a reply.</p><p>“You can just come in mom.” She heard on the other side of the door.</p><p>She smiled to herself and reached for the handle. She opened slowly and peaked inside. Connor was laying on his bed reading a new edition of Superman. He turned to her and sat up on the bed. He looked up at her and realized it had been a while since he really <em>looked</em> at her. She was wearing her mom jeans and a tight pink button down. Her hair was loose as it normally was when she felt good. Her eyes looked tired but not so lifeless like in New York. He could smell her rosy shampoo. He liked this version of his mom.</p><p>“I’m sorry I haven’t been really home. The training has taken longer than I had hoped.”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>She looked around his room and how surprisingly neat it was. She stepped towards him and sat beside him.</p><p>“It’ll get easier Connor. Why don’t you go into the town maybe see if you see anyone you recognize?” She suggested and reached for his hand.</p><p>He intertwined his fingers with hers and rested his head on her shoulder. He didn’t really know what to do in Derry. All he knows of it was thanks to Henry and he no longer was here. He had heard what had happened to the others in his crew and it was just upsetting in general. He couldn’t really think of anyone else he would know-</p><p>
  <em>Tozier. He can't still be here after all that right?</em>
</p><p>He mentally kicked himself for not thinking about this sooner but his mind had been occupied with other things. An old <strike>crush</strike> friend wouldn't be something that one would prioritize when their life is turned upside down. </p><p>“I might head to the arcade today or something. I read in the newspaper they’re looking for someone to work part-time. Might do that.” He said trying not to let his mind wonder.</p><p>She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder. Connor was getting too tall for her now but at the end of the day that was her baby. They sat there in silence for a moment and it was not as awkward as either would have thought. Just sharing body warmth. They both needed this.</p><p>“I love you Connie. We’re gonna be okay.” She whispered and kissed the top of his head.</p><p>He squeezed her hand. “I love you too.” He replied.</p><p>III</p><p> </p><p>Connor walked into the main street of Derry and tried to remember how to get to the arcade. He looked around noticing the different stores, recognizing the locations but not the names. He blasted Nirvana in his Walkman to drown out the isolation he was feeling. It was slowly hitting him that he wasn’t going to live in an over busy city but in a quiet little town.</p><p>He walked past the Aladdin and knew he was getting close. He knew after the Aladdin three stores down on the left side of the street there it would be. He scurried once he saw the faded-out sign. He approached the door feeling skeptical since it was quiet. Normally this place had kids going in and out through the day. He read a small handwritten sign on the door and immediately rolled his eyes. </p><p>
  <strong>OPEN</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>THURSDAY-SUNDAY</strong>
</p><p><strong>7AM-7PM</strong> </p><p>
  <strong>CLOSED</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>MONDAY-WEDNESDAY</strong>
</p><p>He realized now that it was Monday. He kicked a rock that had been minding its business out of frustration. He looked around now not knowing where to go.</p><p>His gaze followed someone crossing the street. Tall lanky boy. Wearing what seemed to be a Hawaiian shirt of some sort. Tight jeans and red chucks. His hair black messily blowing in the wind. Connor took off his Walkman and rested it on his shoulder. He squinted and wondered if that was who he thought. Another boy was walking beside him, a lot shorter. Polo shirt it seemed and khaki shorts. The shorter one kept flailing his hands in the air aggressively. Connor chuckled softly. From Henry’s description of the other losers he was almost certain of who that little one was, and he knew now that the taller one was definitely Tozier.</p><p>Connor followed them without wanting to be noticed to see where they were headed. He closed in on them. He walked past Richie <em>accidentally</em> elbowing him on the side, not with much force though.</p><p>“Shit. What the fuck?!” Richie said surprised.</p><p>Connor winked. “Tozier right? Otherwise dude that was totally by accident and I’m so sorry.” Connor said walking in front of Richie and Eddie stopping them.</p><p>Richie tilted his head a bit trying to adjust his glasses to see who just approached him. A curly hair blonde was standing before him. His face basically shining with the sunlight hitting his freckled face. His bright green eyes locking to Richie’s. His eyes widened once he noticed. “Bowers?” A stupid grin appearing on his face. Connor looked different now. Older of course, with these dark bags under his beautiful eyes were starting to come in. He was taller but thankfully not taller than Richie. Connor smirked and Richie knew this was indeed Connor Bowers.</p><p>“Bowers?!” Eddie cried out.</p><p>“Connor.” Connor replied and looked at Eddie putting his hand out.</p><p>Eddie crossed his arms. “Eddie. I don’t do handshakes.” He said defensively. He briefly remembered the day at the clubhouse.</p><p>Richie chuckled nervously. “What the actual fuck are you doing here man? I heard about Henr-. Where are you staying?!” Richie asked.</p><p>Connor sighed. “At his old place. Long story but seems like I’m gonna be a permanent resident here now.” He licked his top lip without a thought.</p><p>Eddie couldn’t get his eyes off of him. He tried to process how this. THIS PERSON was related to Henry. Henry always looked like a dirty gremlin, but this Bowers seems put together. His heart was pounding, and he started to reach for his inhaler. He noticed how Richie looked at him for a moment and put the inhaler back as he felt his cheeks get warm. When Richie horribly described Connor, he did not picture this type of person. He glared at the blonde who wasn’t paying him any mind.</p><p>“We’re gonna miss the movie Richie.” Eddie said annoyed.</p><p>“Permanent? Shit. Another idiot to deal with.” Richie chuckled.</p><p>Eddie hated being ignored. “Richie. Nice meeting you Connor. We’re running late.” He said and grabbed Richie’s hand. He began to walk towards the theatre.</p><p>“Wait wait Eddie. Uh Connor, would you want to join us? Watching this Zombie flick.” He said stopping Eddie.</p><p>Connor thought about it for a moment. He looked at Eddie who clearly was not a fan. He was up for the challenge now. How angry could little Eddie get. Henry told him he was known for going into hysterics. How much have they really changed? He needed to know how much Richie had changed. Though they only hung out a few times before he had to leave… he needed to figure this one out.</p><p>“Thought you didn’t do hands.” Connor gestured at them holding hands briefly. Eddie immediately retracted it and rolled his eyes.  “Horror. Sounds fun. But maybe we can just hang out tomorrow. Don’t want to interrupt your date.” He smirked playfully.</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes hard enough to turn the earth on his axes but weirdly Richie was not noticing Eddie’s frustration. That only added more to it.</p><p>“Tomorrow? I can’t tomorrow but Wednesday I’m free. I can swing by He- your place?” Richie said quickly taking the chance. “Around 3 in the afternoon?”</p><p>Eddie began to walk towards the theatre on his own. He was getting overwhelmed. He hated that he couldn’t explain why. His chest started to hurt. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his inhaler. He took one puff. <em>What the fuck? </em>He took another. <em>Interrupt our date. He thinks he’s funny. </em></p><p>“See you then Tozier.” Connor said waving goodbye.</p><p>Richie caught up to Eddie and linked their arms together.</p><p>“Are you okay? We haven’t even seen the movie yet and you look like you’ve seen a ghost Eds.”</p><p>“Fuck you. We’re late.” He muttered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>beep beep!</p><p>Again Connor is a character I think people mold to their liking and I hope you guys like this version~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Closing the Closet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beverly comes to visit her favorite boys. She brings a gift for them for the party. Richie wants to find out why Eddie is angry with him.</p><p>Warning:</p><p>There is underage drinking depicted in this chapter. Nothing crazy though. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I</p><p>Beverly Marsh moved to Portland with her aunt shortly after the losers battled IT. It was an arrangement she very much needed after what happened with her father. Her aunt took good care of her. She loved living with her, but she missed her friends terribly. She hadn’t met people like them yet in Portland and now that it has been three years, she had given up on that. She would come down to Derry every summer for a month or so with her aunt’s permission. Though she needed to keep in contact with the losers when it wasn’t summer. Hence, they started writing letters to her. </p><p>She and Richie exchanged the most. For one reason or another they had become extremely close. Maybe it was part that Bev had a gut feeling Richie would never have bad intentions with her. Not the others did but they did treat her a bit different because she was a girl. She can feel the protection or attraction the others had but with Richie it always felt different. She did like some of the attention, but she did like being treated as just a person. Richie proved that with treating her like any of the other losers early on. They had exchanged personal secrets and they could trust each other. He sent her a last letter a few weeks ago but she didn’t reply. She wanted to talk to him in person about it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Bee-verly,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Fuck you. God why did you have to make me realize shit man. I like him. I do. Fuck. I just can’t picture myself telling him. I enjoy being around him too much to jeopardize that. I am terrified that if I tell him he will want nothing to do with me. And worse, what if the rest? Bill. Ben. Stan. Mike. I don’t want them to turn their backs on me because it weirds them out. I know you tell me they wouldn’t but… I just I can’t. Not until I get a slight hint, he might feel the same way. I hate being the only one in town that is… I mean that I know of, I guess. I heard about this girl in his English class that was trying to ask him out on a date and it absolutely broke me. He seemed eager and I don’t know what I would do if he was wrapped around someone else’s arms. I’ve been lucky thus far that no one else seems to like him the way I do but now others are starting to notice how annoyingly great he is. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. When you get here, we need a smoke session. I honestly can’t wait to see your carrot top. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your favorite loser</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>II</p><p>Monday night was Bev’s welcome home party. All of the boys were at Bill’s house setting up for the party. They agreed on letting Richie and Eddie go to the movies because they knew deep down that not much gets done when they are around. Their bickering always ended with the others having to pry them apart.</p><p>“Do you guys think they have been extra weird lately?” Mike asked as they finally sat around the living room to rest.</p><p>“R-Richie and E-Eddie?” Bill asked</p><p>Stan sighed softly.</p><p>“I mean, their bickering has become more intense. But doesn’t seem like it bothers either of them.” Stan replied. “Though it annoys the fuck out of me.”</p><p>“They act like an old married couple.” Ben smiled genuinely.</p><p>They all laughed at it. There was a truth to it. There was a deep love between them that the losers all knew about but didn’t speak of. The way they argued, their aura was that of an old couple spending their remaining years together. They all knew they had a bond none of them really had and there wasn’t jealousy among them over it, admiration more like it.</p><p><em>KNOCK. KNOCK.</em> </p><p>…</p><p>Richie tried to catch up to Eddie after the movie. Eddie was walking far faster than his short legs allowed him to most of the time. Richie knew he was mad, but he couldn’t understand what on earth made him this mad. He usually teases him to that point, but he really hadn’t today.</p><p>“Eddie. Fuck. Why are you basically running away from me?” Richie cried out as he tried to keep up with him.</p><p>“I am not running away. I want to get to the party before Bev gets there. That’s all.” Eddie said flatly.</p><p>“We will most definitely get there before she does you don’t have to run. Do you have your inhaler? You can get an attac-”</p><p>“Yes. I do. I don’t need it. I’m fine.” He snapped back.</p><p>“Dude. I didn’t do anything this time.” Richie whined. “I was on my best behavior.”</p><p>“You never told me what happened between you and Connor. I know you hung out with him more after that whole arcade thing.” Eddie replied and slowed his pace down.</p><p>Richie was taken aback. He chuckled nervously.</p><p>“Nothing happened. We hung out a bit and he went back home. I haven’t seen him since. Is this cause of him? He’s not like Henry.”</p><p>“Oh okay. Good to know you know him enough to vouch for that.” Eddie barked back. “Whatever. You better not invite him to hang out with us. I don’t trust him.”</p><p>Richie laughed a bit. “Are you jealous Eds. You’ll still be my best friend. No one can change that.” He blew him a kiss.</p><p>Eddie’s cheeks were warming up but his eyes rolled instinctively at the flirting. He glared at him and offered his arm up.</p><p>Richie smiled and wrapped his arm around Eddie’s. “Yes. I am still worthy.” He yelled.</p><p>Eddie smacked him with his other hand. “Shut up you dumbass.” He smiled a bit.</p><p>“By the way been meaning to ask you. Are you gonna hang out with Becky?” Richie asked looking straight ahead. He didn’t realize his arm tightened a bit around Eddie’s</p><p>Eddie tilted his head for a moment. “From English? I-I uh. What do you think about her?” He asked looking straight ahead too.</p><p>Though best friends. It seemed like it was an unspoken rule to not talk about dating with each other. Crushes. Love interests. Dates. They kept that from each other and neither really complained about it.</p><p>“She’s cute. Big tits. Nice ass. Though I was pretty sure she was taller than you.” Richie chuckled.</p><p>“She’s like 4’9 you shit.” Eddie retaliated. “She is cute. I guess I should. Maybe I should ask her to hang on Wednesday. Since you’ll be busy.” Eddie stated, an ounce of jealousy spilling out of him.</p><p>Richie wrinkled up his nose in protest. “Cool. You should. I got condoms if you need them.” He said.</p><p>Eddie glared at him and pushed him off. “You are so gross. God.” Eddie crossed his arms. “Why the fuck do you even have condoms for.”</p><p>“Unless you want a little brother or sister, I have to use condoms.”</p><p>“God, I fucking hate you.”</p><p>“I love you too Eds.”</p><p>
  <em>I love you too Eds</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>III</p><p>“Why the fuck are you knocking?” Richie announced as he opened the door.</p><p>“It’s not my house and I don’t want to be a rude fuck like you.” Eddie muttered and pushed Richie to get in front of him.</p><p>“Hey yall did nice!” Richie exclaimed as he looked around the decorations.</p><p>“You guys really did nice.” A female voice said behind Richie.</p><p>Richie flinched and looked back. There was their red headed beauty. She smiled and went and hugged her tightly.</p><p>“Babe you’re here!” He kissed her cheek.</p><p>Beverly carefully dropped her bags and hugged him tightly. She really missed them. She went and hugged all of them. She really fucking missed them.</p><p>“I have a surprise guys.” She said and went back to her bags.</p><p>She reached for her bag and the boys approached her wondering what it could be. Her hand slowly reached inside for dramatic effect. She giggled to herself.</p><p>“Tada!” She said showing the boys a can of beer.</p><p>They fell silent for a moment.</p><p>“Holy shit its that kind of party?!” Richie said ecstatic.</p><p>The rest of them swarmed to her bag to grab one except for Eddie. Each of them struggling to finish their can as they ate their snacks.</p><p>“Well so we should try and finish these.” Richie suggested as he began to place all of the cans in the middle of them. There was enough to get these teens plastered.</p><p>Eddie glared at Richie. “I can only imagine how much more annoying you are drunk Richie.”</p><p>The rest of them laughed. Bill reached for another one. Ben went for another.</p><p>“Let’s figure o-out what t-type of dr-drunk we-we are.” Bill said as he opened it. “We-we can all slee-sleep over here. P-parents ar-are gone for the we-week.”</p><p>Stan still held the one from before and rolled his eyes. “It tastes so bad.” He muttered.</p><p>“I heard the more you drink the less shitty it tastes.” Mike said as he opened a second one.</p><p>Richie grabbed two cans and offered one to Eddie. “I really want see what type you are.” Richie winked. “I’m sure it would only take you one or two cans to really get fucked up.”</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes and grabbed the can aggressively. “Fuck you.” He said and chugged the can. “God that is awful.”</p><p>“Oh shit.” Beverly said a huge grin on her face.</p><p>“Alright. Well this is gonna be interesting.” Stan said as he took another sip</p><p>“To the losers club.” Ben raised his can. The other followed him.</p><p>“To the losers club!”</p><p>…</p><p>Six cans or so in.</p><p>They were gone. Absolutely gone.</p><p>Bill managed to find his dad’s boombox and was blasting music on it. Stan and Bill were dancing around. It was a sight to see, they danced around sloppily. It was clear Stan was a lot more drunk than Bill and Bill was happy to take care of him. Stan laid his head against Bill’s shoulder and swayed together. He was giggling and Bill couldn’t help but laugh along with him. Their bodies seemed to be in synch to them.</p><p>Mike was laying across the couch staring up at the ceiling as though the universe was being opened to him. He wondered how he had come across such amazing friends. He wondered how it would change when they all left for college. He wondered how things seemed to be going so well for once. He thought about how happy he was to be here. He started to drift into sleep.</p><p>Ben and Beverly were sitting on the other couch. She was all over him and Ben seemed to be in a constant panic. He giggled here and there but it seemed like he had drank the least of them. Ben knew he could not allow himself to drink too much out of fear of how he would act around Bev. Beverly as usually let her guard down around her boys but now even more thanks to the drinks. She was sitting on his lap and playing with his hair. She loved being wrapped by someone who she knew loved her unconditionally.</p><p>Richie was tip toeing around the place. Letting his body take him around. Not knowing why but he needed to move. Eddie kept following him. It quickly had become a game of tag. “You can’t cat-catch me Eddie.” Richie slurred. Eddie now accepted the challenge and began running after him. Richie laughed and tried to outrun him. He now realized how difficult it was to control long skinny legs when inebriated. He fell flat on his face and laid on the floor. Eddie started howling with laughter. He quickly sat on Richie’s back. “Gotcha.” He said happily.</p><p>Richie groaned as he felt the weight on him. “Eds.” He mumbled. “I can’t b-breathe.” Eddie started to move his body as if Richie was a horse. “Gidyup!” Eddie exclaimed. Richie laughed and tried to move. “Edd-Eddie” He muttered again.</p><p>Eddie toppled over after Richie moved enough. They both lied there on the floor laughing hysterically. It felt like it was only them two in the world. Richie moved to face Eddie. He looked at him with such love, Eddie sensed something, and he turned to Richie. He looked at Richie and smiled softly. He unconsciously scooted closer to him. For a moment they just looked at each other. Richie could smell the rosey shampoo off of him. He closed the gab between them. He reached for Eddie’s cheek and caressed him.</p><p><em>Eddie</em>.</p><p>Eddie’s heart sounded like it was beating slowly but loudly. He could hear it. He didn’t want to move from that spot. He closed his eyes for a moment. He felt himself being lifted but didn’t bother opening his eyes. He felt being moved. Moments later he felt being laid on a soft surface. He yawned. He opened his eyes adjusting to his surroundings. He felt another body climbing into the bed he seemed to have been placed. He turned to them. He felt his body get hot, he didn’t know if it was from the drinks or the fact that he was being tucked in by Richie. Eddie scooted over and even though he was smaller he spooned Richie. Hugging him tightly. He fell asleep.</p><p>
  <em>Richie. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Dreaming of Disasters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eddie is getting out of hand a bit and Richie struggles to understand what is going on. Beverly asks Richie about his letter.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I</p><p>Richie stared at the wall. He was struggling to stay awake, but he had to make sure Eddie wasn’t going to choke on his throw up or get hysterical. He had to admit though he just wanted to feel Eddie’s warmth around him as long as he could. He was going in and out of consciousness. <em>Shit</em>. His body was starting to feel heavy. He closed his eyes for a moment.</p><p>“No.” Eddie whimpered. He tightened his grip around Richie.</p><p>Richie could feel his soul want to leave his body at that sound. Eddie’s thin arms wrapped around him was the only reason it wasn’t leaving permanently. Richie tried to move his body to face him. His heart sank. “Are you…Are you crying?” He whispered to him.</p><p>Eddie’s eyes seemed to be letting out a subtle stream of tears. Richie could feel his body breathe heavier than normal. He thought about where the inhaler was. He wanted to get it for him, but he didn’t want to leave him alone. Richie wiped the tears off of him.</p><p>Eddie opened his eyes tiredly. Richie’s own grew wide in a panic. He tried to scoot back but Eddie just pulled him closer and rested his face into him. Richie sighed and wrapped his own arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I’m here Eds.”</p><p>Eddie seemed to quiet down for a moment. He glanced up at Richie and didn’t notice how hard Richie’s heart was pounding. Though his eyes were seconds from closing, he smiled at him softly. “You’re my favorite person.” He said and leaned in to kiss his cheek. Richie started to breathe faster. “You- You too Eddie.” He replied</p><p>“Are you lying or is it cause you’re drunk?” Eddie asked.</p><p>“I’m not lying. I am drunk.” Richie replied.</p><p>“Your hair looks like a mess. You need-need to cut it.” Eddie glared at him playfully.</p><p>Richie laughed and rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah? Want me to walk around looking like you huh?”</p><p>“You-You could never look this good.” Eddie stuck his tongue out at him.</p><p>“I look better than you Eddie.”</p><p>“Well who is the one with the date? Me. Suck it Tozier.”</p><p>Richie let out a painful chuckle. “A date. That’s what you’re calling it?”</p><p>“Yeah. Since you won’t go on one.”</p><p>“Wait. What?”</p><p>“Beep Beep Richie.”</p><p>“That doesn’t apply here?!”</p><p>“Can we practice?” Eddie asked</p><p>Richie was losing track of what Eddie was going on about. He couldn’t make it out if it was Eddie or him that were too drunk to understand each other. He wanted to leave the room. He wanted to go back to the others. “Practice what Edward?” He muttered. He could feel the knot in his throat. <em>Date.</em> Richie couldn’t look down at him, he tried to move away.</p><p>“Practice.” Eddie whispered before leaning up towards him and sloppily meeting his lips with Richie.</p><p>Richie whimpered at the touch. He pulled away quickly. Eddie retracted at the reaction. He sighed heavily. “I know I’m not good enough yet.” He muttered and hid his face into Richie.</p><p>Richie felt the alcohol really hitting and it was drowning out the thoughts that in normal circumstances probably would have killed him on sight. He felt too tired physically and emotionally to fight Eddie on this. He just needed the night to end so they could go back to pretending everything is fine tomorrow. He held Eddie close and they both fell asleep.</p><p>II</p><p>Richie felt a warm body wrapped around him. He was still disoriented. He soon realized he was not in his own room. He groaned and reached around for his glasses. He couldn’t get too far because there were arms still wrapped around his waist. He carefully turned his body to see who it was that was so defiantly holding on to him.  He couldn’t really make out who it was. He squinted and scooted closer to them.</p><p>“<em>Richie”</em> the boy wrapped around him moaned softly.</p><p>
  <em>Eddie.</em>
</p><p>Richie was now in a state of panic. Everything that transpired before they fell asleep crashed into him like a train. He could not let Eddie wake up to them like this. He could only imagine how horribly he would react. <em>Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.</em> His heart was beating faster than ever before but he tried to stop the hyperventilation that was to come. He gently moved Eddie’s arms off of him and laid them on the bed as he scooted back. Eddie’s arms moved reaching out towards him. Richie flinched and moved further back. Back enough to fall off of the bed.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>THUMP</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Fuck.” Richie muttered as he felt his ass on the floor hitting first. He winced trying to listen, hoping Eddie had not woken up. He heard shuffling and then silence fell again. He laid on the floor for a moment staring at the blurry ceiling.</p><p>
  <em>We have shared a bed before. It’s fine. This is totally fine. Just ignore the fact that he was wrapped around you Tozier. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing. Nothing at all. God my head hurts. Where the fuck are my glasses. Wait he kissed me right? Shit did he?! Did I dream that?! No I couldn’t have. I-I. Fuck where are my fucking glasses.</em>
</p><p>Richie decided to finally get up and look for his glasses. He reached around trying to reach for the nightstand. He tapped around the wood quietly. Once he found them, he put them on and let out a yawn. He turned towards the bed and smiled to himself. Eddie looked so peaceful in that bed. He had starfished at this point, but he still looked delicate while sleeping. He let out a sigh and walked out of the room. Closing the door behind him quietly.</p><p>…</p><p>His head was pounding now, and he desperately needed water. He reached the kitchen and noticed Beverly sitting by the kitchen bar with a glass in cup of her. Her elbows were on the counter and she was holding her head up. He went and looked for his own glass of water and sat beside her. She finally noticed he was there with her. She looked up at him and smiled briefly.</p><p>“How are you feeling Richie?” She asked.</p><p>“Like a billion bucks, babe.” He replied and slammed his head onto the counter.</p><p>She laughed and rested her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“That bad huh.” She said softly. “Richie, the others are still sleeping. Your letter.”</p><p>Richie tensed up as she spoke. He shook his head and adjusted himself in the seat enough to prompt her to move off of him. He wanted to drown himself somewhere. He had begged the universe that the letter had been lost and that’s why she hadn’t answered him. He glanced at her for a moment.</p><p>“I was high when I wrote that. I don’t even know what I wrote.” He said quietly. He sipped on his water.</p><p>“High? You would have told me you started smoking pot.” She responded. She was carefully watching him. “Richie. They would still love you. All of us. We would still love you and I know they would prote-”</p><p>“Stop. Bev. Please. Ignore the letter. It doesn’t mean anything.” He thought about Eddie in the bed. “Don’t say anything I beg of you.” He thought about how it felt to be wrapped in his skinny arms. “I don’t know what I was doing. I didn’t mean it.” He thought about how angry he got at meeting Connor. “He has a date tomorrow with a girl. We’re just friends.” He thought about Becky. “That’s all we will be.” He thought about how happy he would be with someone else. “I don’t want it any other way.” He thought about Eddie kissing him. “Please.” He could feel his heart shattering.</p><p> </p><p>Beverly leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I won’t say anything to anyone.” She reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers together. “There’s nothing to say.”</p><p> </p><p>He was grateful to have someone like her in his life. She may not understand how detrimental this was to him but just having someone know about it other than himself was a relief. He continued to sip on his water. He wouldn’t let go of her hand. “Thank you.” He whispered.</p><p>“So, he’s going on a date huh? Is he cute?” Beverly teased.</p><p>Richie rolled his eyes and let out a small grin. “He’s not… He’s not into dudes. She is cute though.” She could hear the pain in his voice.</p><p>“Alright. No more sad talk. What else has happened in the last few weeks?” She squeezed his hand gently.</p><p>Richie looked at her and chuckled. “Connor Bowers. Remember him? He’s back.”</p><p>“Wait. THE Connor Bowers?” She asked a little shocked.</p><p>“He has moved here officially. We are actually hanging out tomorrow.” He replied looking inside his glass cup.</p><p>“Oh so you have a date too.” She teased</p><p>They both laughed quietly. They knew the rest of the boys were still sleeping in the living room. Richie went back to look at his cup. His head was pounding, and he wanted to believe it was because of the drinks he had but deep down he knew it was the thoughts and emotions all crashing into him at once. He felt that knot in his throat again.</p><p>Beverly cupped Richie's face gently. She pulled him in to kiss him on the forehead. "Whatever you decide to do, know that I will support you the whole way." She whispered before kissing both his cheeks. "I will always love you." She whispered and kissed his nose. Richie's cheeks were getting warm at her touch. He closed his eyes and melted into the affection. He noticed how starved for it he had been. He pulled her in for a tight hug. She returned it. She could feel him desperately clinging to her and did not let go until he did. She let her fingers run through his messy hair. She thought for a moment that maybe he had started to cry. His body was subtly shaking underneath her. "Richie, you're okay." She whispered warmly.</p><p>III</p><p>Richie wasn’t feeling to great after it all. His head was still pounding and the thought of Eddie going out tomorrow with someone else was eating at him. He went up to the guest room where he had left Eddie. He was looking for his shoes to be able to go home. He slowly opened the door and saw Eddie sitting up. He was rubbing his eyes tiredly.</p><p>“Richie?” Eddie asked looking up.</p><p>“Eds. Sorry if I woke you.” He apologized and started looking for his shoes.</p><p>Eddie watched him look around the room. He tilted his head wondering what he was doing. He thought about last night. He tried to think about last night. Fuck. He couldn’t remember much. <em>I was running. </em>He plopped himself back in bed. Staring at the ceiling.</p><p>“Eddie, have you seen my shoes?” He asked climbing into the bed with him.</p><p>Eddie looked over at him and groaned. “Why do you need them?” He asked.</p><p>“I have to go.”</p><p>“What? No, today is when we spend the day all of us together. Why are you leaving?” Eddie asked getting worked up.</p><p>“I’m not feeling great. My head-”</p><p>Eddie shook his head and stood up. He felt the room turning on its axis. “<em>Shit</em>” Eddie tried to keep his balance but unfortunately lost it and fell back on the bed.</p><p>Richie laughed. “Maybe I’m feeling better than you.”</p><p>“Shut up.” Eddie groaned. Something inside of Eddie started to rumble. His eyes opened wide. He needed to get to a bathroom. Now. Bathroom. Fuck. He got up again and grabbed a waste basket that was sitting underneath the nightstand.</p><p>Everything Eddie had consumed the night before came right back up. He felt his eyes tear up as his body reacted to it all. He held the waste basket on for dear life.</p><p>Richie got up just as quickly. He went into mama bear mode as he typically did with Eddie. He ran to the kitchen looking for a water bottle. Water. Anything. He found two and grabbed them. He scurried back as quietly as he could. He went into the bathroom attached to the room and grabbed a towel.</p><p>Eddie was whimpering over the waste basket. “Fuck. Fuck. God. Why do people-” More came up again. He was sitting on the floor now with the basket between his legs. He was disgusted and wanted to vanish from here. <em>God this is so gross. </em>He felt a towel being pressed against his face. He pushed it away and saw Richie rolling his eyes.</p><p>“Stop, you’re getting it all over you.” Richie said firmly. He continued to clean his face with the damp towel.</p><p>Eddie looked at him with protest but let him. He felt too weak to fight him much on this right now. Richie moved away the basket and sat in front of him. He chuckled softly as he got all of it off of him. “I tell you I’m leaving, and you make this much of a scene Eduardo?” He teased.</p><p>Eddie rolled his eyes and flicked him off. He reached for one of the water bottles Richie had set beside him. “God this is so fucking disgusting. Are the others-?”</p><p>“Bev is outside smoking; she’s talking to Ben. The others are still sleeping.” Richie replied.</p><p>Eddie thought where they all had slept for the moment. “How did I get here?” He asked before taking another gulp.</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t remember.</em>
</p><p>Richie’s face started turning a pink hue. “I brought you here. You were on the floor.” Richie started to stand up.</p><p>“Where did you sleep?” Eddie asked. He vaguely remembered being tucked into bed by Richie. His hand started to feel clammy.</p><p>“Uh. Here. I was pretty wasted, and I guess I fell asleep here too.” He said looking at Eddie. He was waiting for his reaction.</p><p>Eddie’s impulse was to squeeze the bottle he was holding, propelling all the water up and everywhere.</p><p>“Ah fuck.” Richie cried out.</p><p>“Shit.” Eddie muttered and started moving to stand up. “Sorry. Shit.”</p><p>Eddie started to look around the room. “Where is it?” Eddie’s chest started to tighten up. “Richie?” He started to hyperventilate. “Where- where is it?” He sat on the bed trying to catch his breath. His lungs were contracting, and he couldn’t explain why now.</p><p>Richie dug into his own pocket almost instantly. He had made it a habit to carry an extra one for him and he really did not want to waste time looking for the one Eddie came with. He handed it to Eddie quickly. Eddie took it and closed his eyes. Puffing it once. He inhaled. He puffed it twice. He inhaled.</p><p>“Eds are you alright?”</p><p>
  <em>He slept here with me?! So it wasn’t a dream. Oh fucking god. I kissed him. I kissed this motherfucker why the hell would I do that? Oh my god. No. I dreamt that. He just happened to sleep here. Why would I even dream I did that. Fuck. He pulled away from me… God that’s why he wants to leave?! No. It was a dream.</em>
</p><p>“Eddie.” Richie called out. He noticed Eddie losing himself in his thoughts.</p><p>“Shit, yeah. I’m fine. I’m good.” Eddie snapped out of it and held on to the inhaler.</p><p>“Good.” Richie sighed as he sat beside him.</p><p>“Don’t go? It has to be all of us here. It won’t make sense without you.”</p><p>Richie smiled for a moment. “Did you hide my shoes Eddie?”</p><p>“I didn't. I wouldn't touch those gross shoes. But I won't tell you where you left them. ” Eddie smiled too.</p><p>“Fuck you. Fine.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am currently struggling with some things. I should be updating within the week. Thank you to those who have left comments, they keep me going &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Everlasting Emotions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Connor &amp; Richie hang out. While Eddie's date ends abruptly.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is extremely late, but have been dealing with a lot thanks to the virus. Hope everyone is staying safe! Should be able to update more frequently now! I know this isn't a huge story but means a lot to me that there are people who have read it &lt;3 thank you all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Connor woke up a little earlier than usual that day. He had hoped waking up earlier would have given him enough time to be ready but alas it was almost three in the afternoon and he was still nervous as shit.</p><p>He stared at himself in the mirror. His blonde bouncy curls in place. His face covered in freckles, seemed to have a permanent pink tint to it now. He decided to go with the tight jeans that perfectly showed off his legs. He wore a white and black stripped shirt that was only tucked in the front. His feet adorned with black chucks. He had spent about four hours trying to decide to wear.</p><p>“You look fine.” He said out loud as though he was trying to convince himself.</p><p>He sighed heavily and sat on his bed. He thought about what this day was supposed to be about, but he was a bit excited to see Richie after all this time. He wondered how Richie had changed and how much he himself had changed to Richie. He caught himself smiling a bit.</p><p>Beatrice Bowers came into the room so quietly he didn’t notice her. She smiled at him and she thanked her God for letting her start over with him. It had been so long since he seemed interested in anything and she was excited to meet his old friend. She hoped he was one of the good ones unlike Henry’s friends.</p><p>He had not noticed her until she came into view through the mirror and he flinched suddenly. His cheeks flushed as though he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been. She walked towards him and reached her hands up to cup his face. He instinctively bent down to her level and she kissed his forehead. He hugged her gently, it had been a while since either of them felt hopeful about the future.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Knock Knock</em> </strong>
</p><p>…</p><p>Richie waited patiently after he had knocked on the door. He felt a bit uneasy being this close to Henry’s old home and part of him felt like he would pop out of nowhere to hurt him. Part of him thought maybe this was a ruse and maybe Henry was still around with a new gang ready to pounce on him. His hands began to sweat at the thought. He looked back and saw the road back to the town. He contemplated just going back and forgetting about this.</p><p>“Hey Rich.”</p><p>Richie turned around and was now face to face with Connor. He smiled softly and tried to look past Connor to be safe.</p><p>Connor shook his head. “It’s just mom here Rich. I promise.” He said as he gestured him to come in. “She’s about to leave for work anyways.”</p><p>“Is that him honey?” Richie heard an unfamiliar voice call out.</p><p>Beatrice peeked her head from the kitchen and waved her hand, Richie waved back. She came up behind Connor. She moved in front of Richie and she sighed at the thought of another teenager being taller than her. She smiled and came into hug Richie tightly.</p><p>“I’m Beatrice. Nice to meet you Richard.”</p><p>“Richie is fine. Nice to meet you Ms. Bowers.”</p><p>“Oh god no. Bea is fine.” She smiled and held Richie’s hand for a moment.</p><p>Richie felt uncomfortable but let her. He noticed how similar they looked. She was beautiful, he almost lost himself in her gaze.</p><p>“Bea. Beautiful name for a beautiful lady. Thank you for having me over.” He kissed her hand.</p><p>“Oh nonsense. You can come over whenever you like honey. Connor really doesn’t have many frien-”</p><p>“Mom! Alright you have to go and we’re just going to chill in my room.” Connor said trying to hide how badly his cheeks had turned red.</p><p>She rolled her eyes with a grin accompanying them.</p><p>“Nothing crazy Connie. I’ll see you later tonight.” She said as she closed the door behind her.</p><p>“Connie?” Richie chuckled.</p><p>“Shut it.”</p><p>II</p><p>Stanley Uris loved spending his days alone most of the time. The others knew he enjoyed solitude and it wasn’t uncommon for them to leave him be. He typically spent it in the park bird watching and cataloging all the different birds he would see that day. His parents thought that he would outgrow it but it seemed that with the older he grew the more fascinated he was. It was the only thing he had that he could call his own.</p><p>Wednesday afternoon while Richie Tozier spent his day with Connor Bowers, Stanley headed to the local park. He threw his fleece blanket on the grass and set his books down along with his very personal notebook. He pulled out his binoculars and began to search for his beloved creatures.</p><p>He had lost himself in the hunt. He had found four of his favorite buddies, but he was searching for a specific one he has only seen once last year around this time of year. His heart raced as he focused at anything fluttering from tree to tree. His hands gripped around the binoculars a little too tightly and they soon began to hurt. He sighed and let it down for a moment to rest his eyes and his hands.</p><p>He let his eyes wonder onto the people who were passing by. Parents with their kids. Young adults on a picnic. Children playing tag. He noticed someone flailing his arms in an awfully familiar way and squinted to see if he could make out who it was. He saw the male storm off from what seemed to be a female who might have been accompanying him there. He quickly grabbed his binoculars. He saw the boy storming towards him, focusing on his legs, he let his gaze look for a face.</p><p>“Eddie?” He whispered to himself.</p><p>Eddie was not paying attention to where he was going, he just needed to be away from <em>her</em>. He heard his name being called out twice. He noticed Stan standing over his blanket looking puzzled. Eddie stopped running and headed towards him. He threw himself on the grass once he met Stan.</p><p>“This is bullshit.” He managed to say, out of breath.</p><p>“What are you even doing here Eddie you don’t like the park.” Stan asked sitting back down and looking over at him.</p><p>“Becky. You know Becky, right?”</p><p>“Ah. Today was your date. I am assuming it didn’t go to well.” Stan replied as he grabbed one of his books.</p><p>“You knew? How the hell I didn’t tell any-”</p><p>“Richie. He told all of us. I mean common Eddie, it’s your first date. We were all going to find out.”</p><p>Eddie sighed and sat up. He looked back to where he was standing moments ago with her.</p><p>“What happened Eddie?” Stan asked</p><p>“She wasn’t too fond of me complaining during lunch… She wanted to try some of my food and I just think its absolutely disgusting to eat after someone! That’s how people get mono Stanley.”</p><p>Stan let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah I’m aware.”</p><p>“Then she wanted to go to the park, and I told her I really can’t be here for long cause of my allergies and she got mad and started calling me shit! I rather have gone to the library somewhere clean and cool. Then…” He stopped himself.</p><p>“Then what…”</p><p>“She tried to kiss me, and I moved away without a thought and she slapped me…”</p><p>Stanley put his book down and looked at him trying to process it.</p><p>“She laid her hands on you?”</p><p>“Yeah after I dodged her.”</p><p>“She laid a hand on you. What the actual fuck is wrong with her. Eddie why did you dodge her? I thought you liked her.” He lied.</p><p>“I never said I did! A girl asked me to go out and I felt like I had to. I never really been on a date before Stanley.”  </p><p>“So if anyone asks you out, you’re just gonna go. If Richie asked you to go on a date. You would go?”</p><p>Eddie was baffled by this line of questioning and crossed his arms. He thought about it for a moment and wondered if Richie would ever actually ask him to go out. Technically Richie constantly asked him to hang out, but it wasn’t to go out… out. He rolled his eyes and flicked Stanley off.</p><p>“Hilarious. Richie and I are just friends against all of you and the groups theories. Besides Richie’s type is weird.”</p><p>“You’re weird.”</p><p>“Asshole. I mean like girls; he liked that girl from camp and she was weird.”</p><p>“That was like two years ago and last I remember she sounded a lot like you.”</p><p>“Ugh. Even in this alternate universe where Richie was into dudes and it was okay to be into dudes, he would like someone else. Point is, this dating shit is bullshit and my face still hurts.” Eddie said rather fast and defensively.</p><p>“It’s not okay to be into dudes?” Stanley teased his eyes never leaving his book.</p><p>“I mean. You know. Like. Fuck. It’s fine. I don’t like judge and shit. I just know. Richie is just. He’s always talking about fucking girls. I don’t judge Stan! I’m not one of those people! I just there is cause for concern also with all those diseases and I just. Fuck. Richie would never ask me out on a date and if he ever did it would be as a joke so I would say no and save everyone the trouble.” Eddie didn’t take a breath until the last word left his lips.</p><p>“Just be clean and use protection dumbass. You can still catch shit with girls.”</p><p>“NOT THE POINT STANLEY FUCK. What are you even doing over there? Staring at a book like that, is it a pervy book?”</p><p>“Don’t change the subject you idiot.”</p><p>Eddie puffed and attempted to sit on Stanley’s blanket. His ass quickly hitting the bare grass. “Shit man what the fuck.”</p><p>Stanley had moved it off right before he sat on it. “You were just on the grass; you are not going to get my fleece dirty with all of that shit. Here.” He said handing him over one of the books he had.</p><p>“I never will understand your fascination with these.” Eddie said as he started flipping through the pages.</p><p>III</p><p>After Richie and Connor had some lunch, Connor lead Richie up to his room. Richie looked around and felt like it was an out of body experience to be in Henry’s old house. He never thought he would get the chance to see the place.</p><p>Connor climbed on his bed and tapped beside him. Suggesting to Richie to sit beside him. Richie usually with no manners of his own jumped on the bed and fell next to Connor. He looked around the room and wondered if it was Henry’s room.</p><p>Connor let out a small chuckle. Watching Richie carefully.</p><p>“This used to be the guest room. Still working on making it my own. Hoping to get some Metallica posters to put up.”</p><p>Richie looked back at Connor. “Looks better than my room. I’m sure you’re gonna get a lot of lady’s coming up here once you start up at Derry High.”</p><p>“Ha. Yeah. I sure will.” Connor said sarcastically.</p><p>Richie caught it and sat up against him. His cheeks flushed. It had been awhile since he let himself be this close to another person.</p><p>“Do you have a girl back home?”</p><p>“No not that. How about you?”</p><p>“What about me?”</p><p>“Any girl in your life Rich?” Connor asked moving his hand down next to Richie’s resting one.</p><p>“Oh yeah. Plethora of women at my doorstep. Didn’t you know? Being a bean pole and blind as a bat is the new thing now a days. I can’t keep them away.” Richie said letting out a laugh.</p><p>Connor chuckled and leaned his head on Richie’s.</p><p>….</p><p>Richie was caught up with everything that he had noticed how late it had gotten. They had spent hours catching up on the three years they had missed. He looked down at his watch and let out a heavy sigh. He stood up as Connor watched him move away.</p><p>“Hey I’m gonna head out. Don’t want to be overstaying my welcome just yet.”</p><p>Connor shook his head.</p><p>“You’re not. My mom doesn’t come home until late and she wouldn’t mind you being here.”</p><p>Richie wiggled his nose instinctively. Most parents weren’t a fan of Richie. Most of his friends had to lie about hanging out with him.</p><p>“You can stay longer Richie. I would like you to, but up to you.”</p><p>“Alright. Alright. Enough begging Connie.”</p><p>Conner rolled his eyes, he grabbed his nearby pillow and hit Richie with it.</p><p>“My glasses!”</p><p>Connor let out a laugh and reached over to the glasses that had fallen on the bed. He set them on the night table and smacked Richie again.</p><p>“This is bullshit. You have an advantage!” Richie cried out as he tried to find a pillow.</p><p>“Come on Tozier.” Connor teased and pulled Richie towards him.</p><p>Richie tripped and fell on top of him. He now knew he could see someone’s face clearly when extremely close to it. His face flushed and he noticed that Connor’s seemed to be doing the same.</p><p>Connor’s hand went up and caressed Richie’s cheek. Connor could swear Richie let out a whimper. He smiled softly at him and pulled him in.</p><p>His lips meeting Richie’s.</p><p>Richie could now feel his entire body pounding. His whole body reacting to this kind of affection again. He remembered Eddie. But Eddie had to be drunk out of his mind to even do something like this. But Connor wasn’t. His instinct was to pull away, but before he could, Connor pulled him in closer and wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck. Richie closed his eyes and let something that felt good happen for once.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Frigthtul Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Richie and Connor agree on some terms. Eddie heads home after his date.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="userstuff module">
  <p>Richie let his hands wander and explore underneath Connor’s shirt. He melted into him as he felt the warmth. He thought about how many times he had fantasied doing this with someone. How many times he begged himself for it to be a female underneath him. How many times his dreams went against him and showed him his true desires. He could feel Connor run his hands through his messy black hair. Though Richie was above him, it was Connor who was taking the lead.</p>
  <p>Connor shifted his legs and turned his body enough to turn their bodies over, he was suddenly on top. Richie let out a surprised gasp.  He looked up at Connor and how different he looked above him than underneath. He didn’t mind the change of position one bit. Connor smirked teasingly at him. Richie bit his bottom lip hungrily. Connor leaned in as if though to kiss him again. Richie anticipated, held his breath in and closed his eyes. He felt a warm kiss on his neck, he let out a whimper.</p>
  <p>“You reek of virgin, Tozier.” He whispered softly.</p>
  <p>“Fuck off Connie.” He muttered playfully.</p>
  <p>Although his many comments regarding fucking Mrs. K, Richard Tozier was indeed a virgin. He was not too thrilled about Connor knowing that and figuring it out so easily. A memory invaded him. The last time he got close to losing it but with a girl. Richie lost himself in thought. Connor took his silence as compliance and continued kissing down his neck up to his collar bone. His hands trailed down to Richie’s waist, realizing how much thinner Richie was in reality. He could feel Richie’s body reacting but when he looked up at him, it wasn’t what he had expected.</p>
  <p>Richie had started to cry. He reacted by sitting up against the wall when Connor stopped and moved off of him. His thoughts were all over the place and he hadn’t noticed himself that he had started crying. He whipped the tears off his face. He pulled his legs up against his chest and rested his chin on it staring at the blurry room.</p>
  <p>Connor didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. That doesn’t exactly set the mood right. He let out a soft sigh and sat against the wall next to him.</p>
  <p>“That was my bad. I got carried away.” Connor apologized.</p>
  <p>“What the fuck just happened?” Richie muttered.</p>
  <p>“Well, we were making out back there, Rich. I thought you were into it.”</p>
  <p>“I was- I mean. I am. I just. I didn’t expect to do this when I was coming.”</p>
  <p>“I didn’t invite you to do this. It just happened.” Connor looked over but Richie continued to stare at the room.</p>
  <p>“Look, I’m not trying to push you into something you’re not into. I just. Remembering my last time here and you.” Connor muttered.</p>
  <p>“You still into lanky two eyed babes.”</p>
  <p>“You need to stop doing that. You’re actually attractive you, dumbass.”</p>
  <p>Richie let out a loud laugh. Connor flinched at the sound and turned to him confused. Richie started laughing almost uncontrollably. He leaned on Connor and continued to laugh, his laughs slowly turning into sobs. Connor adjusted himself to hold him, he wrapped his arms around Richie not really knowing what was happening. Richie clinged on to the arms around him. He may have not seen Connor in years, and maybe his other friends would be just as willing to hold him. But he couldn’t let anyone else see him like this.</p>
  <p>“Fuck.” Richie finally said once he calmed down.</p>
  <p>“Richie, I didn’t mean to upset you.”</p>
  <p>“No. I’m not upset over this. I just. Other things on my mind.”</p>
  <p>“It’s not like this is the first time we kiss Rich.”</p>
  <p>“How would I forget my first kiss Connie.”</p>
  <p>Richie and Connor had hung out a few more times than he let on back before Connor left that summer. They were curious young boys and grew to trust each other enough with it. They never got as intimate as they did earlier that day, their exploration was more emotional. Connor knew deep down Richie’s heart was elsewhere, but he let himself continue with the fantasy until he had to go back to New York. Connor left and Richie was left with nothing but confused emotions and resent. He focused on getting over his feelings and buried them deep down.</p>
  <p>“I’m sorry. I can’t do whatever this. Whatever you’re trying to do. I don’t want to hurt-”</p>
  <p>“Chill Tozier. I’m not asking you to marry me. Fuck. Who are you thinking about Rich?”</p>
  <p>Richie’s heart skipped a beat. He wondered if he was always this obvious. He sighed heavily and looked up at Connor. He rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue.</p>
  <p>“Mine was named Victor. Henry’s old friend. So who is yours?” Connor lied.</p>
  <p>“My what?”</p>
  <p>“The one who made you realize, you never told me back then.”</p>
  <p>Richie became intrigued and scooted a bit to rest his head down on Connor’s lap. He gestured him to go on and then crossed his arms waiting patiently for his answer.</p>
  <p>“Alright then. Back then you always talked about your friends. There was stuttering Bill, the leader. Haystack Ben, the quiet one. Stanley, Stan the Jew, Mike The farmer and finally Eddie the neurotic small one, and of course Beverly but she doesn’t count. Bill and Ben are out they were preoccupied with the girl for you to pay much attention to. Mike seems too rigid and straight to be the one. I heard he joined your group late so he may have missed the mark to be the first one anyways. Stanley? I met him once by accident, don’t know much about him other than him being Jewish and a neat freak. Then Eddie, you never really talked much about him, but Henry mentioned once how close you two were.”</p>
  <p>Richie turned away once he started to go into details about Eddie.</p>
  <p>“After formally meeting him the other day, I wonder if it was him?”</p>
  <p>Connor hadn’t noticed Richie turning away. He continued to ramble on.</p>
  <p>“He looked like he wanted to kick me in the nuts, I had never met someone so hostile. Like a fucking chihuahua.”</p>
  <p>Richie chuckled as he was reminded of Eddie's reaction. , Connor looked down and finally noticed. His heart sank and he was given his answer.</p>
  <p>II</p>
  <p>Eddie spent an hour or so with Stanley at the park before heading on home. His mother asked him how his day was, and he kept it brief without mentioning the incident from earlier. He could smell dinner being made, he hurried on to shower.</p>
  <p>He turned on the faucet and let the water run. He carefully undressed, each article of clothing was folded and carefully put above the toilet tank. He caught his reflection. He leaned closer to the mirror. His olive skin freckled all over his shoulders. His nose small and perfectly centered. His hair no matter what, perfectly done to the side. Though Eddie felt a huge sense of relief and bravery after fighting IT, some things just slowly went back to how they were.</p>
  <p>He took his meds as he was instructed knowing they didn’t do anything. He clinged on to his inhaler knowing it was psychosomatic. He avoided much physical activity and because of it he didn’t look like Ben, Bill, or Mike, all who seemed to be growing much taller than him and growing muscle. He looked at the mirror and sighed as he realized he still looked like a child, an overgrown child. He thought of Richie and Stanley who both didn’t really focus on their bulk but still they were growing into their adult features and were still taller than him.</p>
  <p>He touched his chin and wondered if he would ever grow facial hair. He wondered if all those pills he took were going to permanently alter his growth. He wasn’t as small as he was back when he was thirteen. He had grown to 5’7 but it didn’t help that all his friends seemed to look and be doing better than him. He still spent a lot of his time with his mother.</p>
  <p>“Eddie bear! Food will be done in ten minutes!!” He could hear his mother shout.</p>
  <p>“Okay ma!” He shouted back.</p>
  <p>He turned and stepped into the tub. He felt the burning water on his back. He had a tendency of putting it to its max setting, a way to feel something painful. Sonia never fought him on it as she thought the water vapor was good for his <em>asthma</em>. He looked down at his hands before dragging them upward his face into his hair.</p>
  <p>
    <em>I kissed him. He’s pretending I didn’t. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Should I bring it up? Clear the air? Say it was by accident? A joke? Fucking Christ, he would not let me live it done if I say it like that. Why the fuck is he not bringing it up? He would normally roast the fuck out of me with something like that. I can’t remember shit. Fuck. Did he pull away? God I am never drinking again this is such shit.</em>
  </p>
  <p>He thought about how his <em>date</em> had gone. He wondered how many more of those he would have to go through to find a girl that would put up with his nonsense.</p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>Knock Knock</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>“Eddie are you okay in there?”</p>
  <p>Eddie jolted. “Yes ma, almost out.”</p>
  <p>Sonia had already called him once before, but he had not heard her. Eddie sighed and quickly washed himself and turned off the faucet. He stepped out of the tub and dried himself off.</p>
  <p>…</p>
  <p>After dinner Eddie ran up to his room. He spent about an hour contemplating whether or not he should call Richie to apologize or maybe just call him to tell him about how his date went. He paced around the room, trying to think about how either conversation could end badly.</p>
  <p>“Alright. I’ll just ask him to hang out tomorrow and then I’ll have enough time to figure out what to say!” He said to himself.</p>
  <p>He sat on his bed, near his nightstand where he had his phone. He dialed the Tozier residence.</p>
  <p>“Hello?” A female voice answered.</p>
  <p>“Good evening Mrs. Tozier. I was wondering if I could talk to Richie?”</p>
  <p>“Oh hello Eddie! I’m sorry sweetheart but he’s not home yet. He called a bit ago he might be sleeping over a friend’s house. Cooper I think it was. ”</p>
  <p>Eddie’s heart dropped. “Connor?”</p>
  <p>“Yes! Connor that’s it. You can try again tomorrow if you’d like dear.”</p>
  <p>“Thank you. Have a goodnight Mrs. Tozier.”</p>
  <p>“You too.”</p>
  <p>Eddie hung up the phone and laid on his bed, his legs hanging off of the side. He looked up at the ceiling.</p>
  <p>
    <em>Fuck. I forgot he was hanging out with him today. Fuck.</em>
  </p>
  <p>Eddie decided he was not going to bring up the incident. He was going to pretend just like Richie was. He knew it was for the best and that Richie would have brought it up by now if it meant anything to him.</p>
  <p>He climbed under his covers and covered his entire body with it. He thought about Connor and how he didn’t look like how he had imagined him. He thought about how eager Richie was to hang out with him. He thought about what they must be talking about now. He thought about how the others were already drifting away from him a bit and now Richie was following suit. He fell asleep thinking about how much it would hurt for Richie to leave him behind.</p>
  <p>III</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>“Alright. Ground rules.” Connor said as he stood up off from the bed.</p>
  <p>“Ground rules?”</p>
  <p>“Do you want to never make out again?”</p>
  <p>“I uh.. I mean I want.. What are you getting at Connor?”</p>
  <p>“We’re sixteen. Almost seventeen. It’s summer. Maybe we can pick up where we left off years ago. We don’t have to be official. We don’t have to come out to anyone. We’ll just hang out and let things flow. I won’t get attached and nor will you since you already have someone else in mind.”</p>
  <p>“What? Some friends with benefits shit?”</p>
  <p>“If that’s what you wanna call it.”</p>
  <p>Richie reached for his glasses and watched Connor pace around the room. He wondered what his end game was and more importantly he was thinking about how this could go wrong. He liked having this kind of outlet. He did think Connor was cute. Maybe this could work.</p>
  <p>“Alright… Would you wanna officially meet my friends?”</p>
  <p>Connor looked at Richie and pondered it. “I’m a Bowers. You should ask them first. Your favorite already doesn’t like me.”</p>
  <p>“Eddie is like that with everyone. Don’t take it personal.”</p>
  <p>“Eddie. What are you gonna do about that Rich?”</p>
  <p>“What do you mean?”</p>
  <p>“You still like him? Does he know?”</p>
  <p>“No and he won’t. I’m working on forgetting about that.”</p>
  <p>“Alright. Maybe this can help you with that?”</p>
  <p>Richie stood up from the bed. He walked towards Connor and crossed his arms.</p>
  <p>“Alright. Friends. Some benefits. No lying. No speak of Eddie.”</p>
  <p>“Deal.” Connor reached out his hand.</p>
  <p>Richie shook it as though they had just finished a business deal. Richie was liking the idea more and more. A moment out of his life where he could let his guard down and not have to be subjected to his own trauma and fears. A moment where he could show someone else affection without worry. More importantly a moment where someone else could show him affection without him having to deflect. This should help him get over his dumb crush.</p>
  <p>Connor smiled softly. Richie wasn’t the first person he had this kind of relationship. He knew the risk that may from it, but he really wanted to have a bit of him before he knew he was going to have to let go of him permanently. He thought about it may have been selfish of him to offer but deep down he just wanted to feel that kind of excitement he did back then.</p>
</div><div class="chapter preface group">
  <p> </p>
  <p></p>
  <div class="end notes module">
    <h3 class="heading">Notes:</h3>
  </div>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This one is pretty short! Thanks to those who have been reading &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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